Turning Point


Oprah is right.

The goal is that no one ever has to say “me too” again. 

It’s as if her saying it, as clearly as she did at the Golden Globes the other night, has finally given the world permission to believe that not only can we do better, but that we will do better.

Let’s accept this as the turning point when unacceptable behaviour by powerful men against relatively vulnerable women has finally become exactly that. Unacceptable. It’s always been wrong – but it hadn’t really changed…

What is necessary for change is firmly and collectively accepting that we’ve all had enough. Change often only happens when two conditions are met: when it’s needed and when it’s accepted. In this case, it’s clearly needed – now we collectively need to accept it. All of us. Powerful men included.

For healing from abuse to be possible, in my experience, one condition is paramount and prerequisite: first the abuse has to stop. And this is what Oprah called for. That it’s done, over, enough, no more. I believe, like all those who stood listening to her and applauding her for speaking what needed to be declared, that there is no place for it. Imagine a world without abuse, without trauma…

To understand the power of that vision, I think we need to understand the realities as they are now, that thankfully are increasingly coming to light. Putting it together, there is complex pain, often layers of emotional scars, multi-generational trauma and shameful secrets in all corners of society. With men sometimes in pain and feeling silenced as well. There definitely remains a lot of healing to happen before this brilliant goal – that no one ever has to say “me too” again – can be reached. 

How does healing happen? Kim and Theo’s Canadian National Bestseller Conversations with a Rattlesnake discusses this important question, vulnerably, and in depth. One of their points to be added to this conversation, is that for society to change, the whole cycle of trauma has to be recognized. It’s the cycle of trauma that needs to end for there to be no more people needing to say “me too”. In Kim’s words, “hurt people hurt people”. Every single person in emotional pain needs support. People who are feeling okay about themselves, psychopaths and sociopaths excluded, do not need to hurt or control others for their own gain. 

As a human being, I want to do what I can to help people who are suffering. To really get to the crux of it, I’d like to support more ways to help grow the concepts that we are all on this journey together, we’ve all got something going on that we’re dealing with or avoiding, we are not really on different teams, we can all do small things to make a difference for others, we can all listen to and hold space for people we know who are in pain, and it’s harder perhaps but we most certainly can all be kinder to ourselves. Collectively, we can prevent so much more pain than we know if we first believe it can be different.
Congrats to Oprah, and congrats to all of us who takes her speech in as a turning point in how we proceed to treat one another.

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